Random Thoughts : VBAC vs. C-Section Decision

The goal here is simply to express all the thoughts running through my head regarding the possible ways our newest little one is going to be brought into the world.

Calvin was born via c-section after 2-3 hours of pushing

Positives of a planned repeat C-section:
Baby's birthday is pretty much planned.
Knowing I won't have to go through labor ever again.
Being prepared for the c-section instead of failing at a vaginal delivery and having things cascade into the same sucky situation as last time.

Positives of an attempted VBAC:
I tried. I know I gave it my all.

Negatives of a repeat C-section:
Feeling cheated for not getting to try for a vaginal birth again.
Recovery time is long.
Risks of complications are higher.
The fact that I will now have to have c-sections for all future babies.
Possibility of limited family size due to too many c-sections.

Negatives of an attempted VBAC:
Feeling of failure again.
Risk of flashbacks to my traumatic first birth.

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Of course a successful VBAC would be my #1 pick. That's what we all want! But I have to be realistic and look at all of the possibilities.

I think I will be able to accept it if I try for a VBAC and fail. At least I gave it a go.

But I have to prepare for the possibility of a planned c-section too. That's the scenario that's going to be harder to accept.
My doctor wants me to try for a VBAC, but she also made it very clear that we will know more the closer we get to my due date and it may end up making more sense to just go ahead with a c-section if baby is looking really big or if other complications arise. And that's the part that I have to learn to accept, if it comes down to that. It will be hard to live with the fact that I didn't get to try again for a vaginal delivery. It will be hard to accept that all of my babies will be born via C-section and I'll have never given birth "the right way."

Thanks for listening.
Love,
Alaina