Pregnancy Update : Repeat PROM & Preterm Labor Concerns

I feel bad for getting so upset over it all. It seemed so daunting at the time, but when I think about it now, it's not such a big deal.

I went to a new doctor last week and received some news I wasn't entirely expecting. My regular OB set up an appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors who specialize in higher risk pregnancies. So this was my first meeting with the high risk doctor.

Background:
I had borderline high amniotic fluid levels with Calvin. And at 32 weeks I had PROM, premature rupture of membranes. My water was slowly leaking. It is suspected it could have been caused by the high fluid levels. I was in the hospital for 5 weeks. My doctor in the hospital wanted me to get to term, despite the fact that anyone else would have delivered Calvin at 34 weeks, which is the medical standard, I am told. I thank God we had the specific doctor we did! Calvin spent time in the NICU, but he was perfect.

The high risk doctor I just saw is concerned about PROM happening again and the possibility of preterm labor.
He is recommending I take hormone shots every week from 16 wks forward.
He is also having me go in for ultrasounds every other week to monitor my cervical length from now until 28 weeks.

That doesn't sound too bad, right? It's not. There are plenty of women who have way tougher pregnancies. But I cried the whole way home from that appointment. I felt so bad. I felt like, once again, I wasn't fit to carry a baby. I wanted so bad to have a normal pregnancy this time!

And that's all on top of the fact that I want to try for a VBAC so bad. But it seems each additional complication puts that further and further from my reach.

It also brings up the question, is it worth it if we have to do this for each additional pregnancy too? Is it selfish?

My husband and I want four kids. I've always wanted four. We've always talked about four. And yet these complications (or rather possibility of, because nothing is going downhill yet!) make us question that.

And I know that these are all just precautions to prevent the same thing from happening this time around. I know that driving to the doctor all the damn time is better than being confined to a hospital room away from my home and family for weeks! And I know there are plenty of women with way bigger concerns than I have here. I should be so grateful!

And I shouldn't even be worried right now. Nothing bad has happened. We're simply trying to prevent bad things from happening. I shouldn't worry about the what-ifs. Everything is good so far. New baby is growing right on track and, even though it is still early, my fluid levels and cervix are looking good.

But we're extra keeping an eye on things this time. Looking back, we could see the warnings. This time we will know better what's going on if things start to go downhill.

So although it is scary, I know we are doing our best and handing everything else over to God.

Thanks for reading.
Love,
Alaina & Tiny Baby #2