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Friday, October 9, 2020

Trying for Baby #3

We've decided it's time to start trying for baby #3.
As I write this, it's our first month trying.
We decided to start trying a little earlier than we previously planned after sitting down to make a pros and cons list and we realized let's just do it. 

Originally we weren't going to start trying until after Thanksgiving (Nov), but it's August and we're definitely working on making a baby now. :) 

I can't wait to be making pregnancy updates here on the blog and on my YouTube channel again! Growing a tiny person is just so exciting, but sooo nerve wracking. With the stupid complications of my first two pregnancies (pPROM, polyhydramnios), I am definitely worried about things not going great once again. It's just incredibly frustrating having complications that they don't give you a cause for and no advice for how to prevent it happening again.

I wasn't nervous about trying for my first two. With Calvin, my first, we had no idea there would be complications down the line. And after he was born, the doc said I had a 1 in 4 chance of having pPROM again. To me, that meant next time around would probably be fine, so I wasn't worried about Eren (our second) until the third trimester when the polyhydramnios really started to kick it up a notch. So now that we've had two pregnancies with polyhydramnios (the first one of which resulted in pPROM and a 5 week stay in the hospital worrying about premature labor every single day), I can only assume the same stupid thing (poly) is going to happen in our next pregnancy too. And I can only hope magically it doesn't. *shrug*

Since I know what might be in store for me this time around, I do worry more. 

Now I know I was so incredibly lucky for both of my boys to be born perfectly healthy and after 37 weeks. But the possibility of not being so lucky next time really just stresses me out. We had the best possible outcome for pPROM at 32 weeks with Cal. And with Eren, nothing bad happened. Yes, my belly was enormous. Yes, I wasn't allowed to walk further than it took to get from the parking lot at work into the office. Yes, I had to take medications and shots to helps prevent my contractions and preterm labor. Yes, every day of the last trimester, I wondered if something bad would happen. But in the end, I was induced after 37 weeks. He didn't try to come early and everything turned out okay. But it was still nerve wracking! 

One thing that I'm trying to keep in mind is that the pregnancies were both going pretty much totally fine until the third trimester. I'm trying to remind myself of this and know that the majority of the pregnancy is going to be okay. I can worry about the complications once we encounter them in the last trimester. I have to tell myself that the medications they had me on with Eren (because of my complications with Calvin) did what they were supposed to do, so they can do it again this time. 

Then I have this irrational fear of miscarriage. The thought process that goes through my head is something along the lines of, if miscarriages are so common, and I've already had two pregnancies without miscarriages, then statistically, am I not due for a miscarriage this time? I don't know how that all works, but I'm just being honest, that's another fear of mine. 

I thought I'd just get out those little thoughts running through my head lately. I know it's not healthy to stress over these things, but coming on here to vent helps me get it all out and hopefully set it aside for awhile. 

Thanks for reading and joining me for this next journey. 


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