5 Unexpected Things About Birth and Postpartum with Baby #2

I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I just did this less than two years ago, after all! But, like they say, every baby is different, so here are some things I did not expect about the birth of my second son.

C-Section Procedure 

In the Operating Room, my first c-section actually went really well. This time around, I felt so terribly gross the whole time. I threw up. And afterwards I still felt so sick to my stomach, I hadn't eaten in way too long, and still couldn't eat immediately afterwards. I couldn't even keep my eyes open, and I literally just passed out as soon as they got me back to my hospital room. It sucked! 

C-Section Recovery

The recovery was surprisingly easier than the first time. Maybe I kept up on my pain meds better once I got home, but overall recovery wasn't too bad, even in the hospital. Maybe I just knew to take it easier this time around. 

Belly

I didn't think my stomach looked too bad after Calvin, but holy crap, Eren messed it up. The stretchmarks were way worse the second time. And the overall sagginess was worse. And I can totally feel the lack of core strength now too. 

Breastfeeding Struggles

It's not that I thought it would be easy peasy, but I definitely did not expect it to be harder than the first time around.

Brotherly Love
With all the negatives on this list, I thought I'd include one very big positive. I cannot explain how much overwhelming love and fullness I feel when I see my two boys together. When I see Calvin loving on his baby brother, it quite literally melts my heart. I thought it would be cute seeing them together, but cute doesn't even begin to describe it. I never could have imagined this incredible feeling!

Thanks for reading!
I love you guys,
Alaina

He's Here! Eren Michael 3/17/18

one week old

Eren Michael
March 17, 2018
7:17 am
8 lbs 5 oz
21 inches

Labor & Delivery Story Video HERE

We're in love!

Love,
Alaina

Random Thoughts : VBAC vs. C-Section Decision

The goal here is simply to express all the thoughts running through my head regarding the possible ways our newest little one is going to be brought into the world.

Calvin was born via c-section after 2-3 hours of pushing

Positives of a planned repeat C-section:
Baby's birthday is pretty much planned.
Knowing I won't have to go through labor ever again.
Being prepared for the c-section instead of failing at a vaginal delivery and having things cascade into the same sucky situation as last time.

Positives of an attempted VBAC:
I tried. I know I gave it my all.

Negatives of a repeat C-section:
Feeling cheated for not getting to try for a vaginal birth again.
Recovery time is long.
Risks of complications are higher.
The fact that I will now have to have c-sections for all future babies.
Possibility of limited family size due to too many c-sections.

Negatives of an attempted VBAC:
Feeling of failure again.
Risk of flashbacks to my traumatic first birth.

_________________

Of course a successful VBAC would be my #1 pick. That's what we all want! But I have to be realistic and look at all of the possibilities.

I think I will be able to accept it if I try for a VBAC and fail. At least I gave it a go.

But I have to prepare for the possibility of a planned c-section too. That's the scenario that's going to be harder to accept.
My doctor wants me to try for a VBAC, but she also made it very clear that we will know more the closer we get to my due date and it may end up making more sense to just go ahead with a c-section if baby is looking really big or if other complications arise. And that's the part that I have to learn to accept, if it comes down to that. It will be hard to live with the fact that I didn't get to try again for a vaginal delivery. It will be hard to accept that all of my babies will be born via C-section and I'll have never given birth "the right way."

Thanks for listening.
Love,
Alaina

Preparing for Birth Again After a Traumatic First Go-Around

I would call Calvin's birth traumatic for me.
I know there are far more traumatic birth stories out there in the world, I realize that, but I still think I would call Calvin's birth traumatic for me.

Neither of us were in distress, but things sure didn't go as planned.

• Calvin was born via c-section after 2-3 hours of pushing (my nurse said it was 3 but I thought it had only been 2).
• I never even gave any thought at all to having a c-section. I never ever expected it to happen to me.
• All of my family was at the hospital waiting on his birth.
• We got to spend one hour with Calvin before he was going to the NICU. So we decided to let our family who had been waiting like 4 hours to come and see him so I literally only got to hold him on the way from the operating room to our hospital room before he was passed around to everyone else.
• Calvin spent 48 hours in the NICU.
• Once we got him back to our room, we tried nursing for the first time and he absolutely would not latch at all. That had been a big fear of mine.
• I was stuck in the hospital for five weeks before Calvin was born. I never got to nest. I never got to just sit in his room and gaze at all his things.
• I "attended" our baby shower through Skype. So I never got to open all the presents or wash all the baby clothes and have that one essential new motherhood experience.

And I believe that all these things combined made the birth of my first precious little boy a traumatic experience for me.

I didn't feel connected to him. I didn't feel this instantaneous overwhelming love for him. I didn't even give him his first kiss until his second day of life outside the belly! (that totally breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes whenever I say that)

Even though I saw him on ultrasound twice per week and heard his heartbeat twice each day for those last five weeks in the hospital, I just didn't feel the connection right off the bat.

We're going to try for a VBAC this time, as long as things are looking okay. And I understand complications can change things in the end. I think I'll be okay if we end up with another c-section after a couple hours of pushing. But at least I'll have given it a try. And if baby is looking giant and it just doesn't seem plausible to even try, I guess I'll have to enjoy the fact that we'll have baby's birthday already planned and I can at least take a little bit of comfort in knowing we won't have to go through labor again. I want it to be its own special experience, no matter how it turns out. I don't want to fear having flashbacks to Calvin's birth.

I've gained a lot of acceptance to either way things turn out, especially since discussing the possibility for VBAC with my doctor. But the one thing that really bugs me and worries me about it all is that Justin and I want lots of babies. And lots of c-sections is not recommended. It's not the recovery or the label or the fact that I have never had a baby "the right way," it's the fear that we aren't going to have as many babies as we always planned because of the way they come into the world. That's the part that really gets to me.

I love you guys and am so happy you're on this journey with me. I hope this post meant something to you.

Love,
Alaina & Tiny Baby #2

Important Pregnancy Update

Well it looks like our Calvin Lee will be joining us much sooner than we anticipated. I am currently 32 weeks, 1 day pregnant and this morning (Saturday, April 23) I headed in to the hospital.

I woke up with my 6 am alarm on Saturday morning and as soon as I stepped out of bed I felt a gush of water leaking. I walked to the bathroom and noticed it was totally clean and I even smelled my underwear to find that it had no real scent and definitely didn't smell like pee. My first words honestly were "no, no, no, no, no."

Justin was at a friend's overnight and wouldn't be returning until late Saturday, so I was all on my own. I called my doctor's office after hours line and was instructed to have someone take me to the hospital. Now thank goodness my sister lives right down the street from me and my mother in law lives right around the corner too. So I immediately called my sister, but she didn't answer. Then I tried Justin and he also didn't answer. So I called my mother in law, her husband answered, gave her the phone, and she was on her way over to get me. Thank goodness one of them was able to pick up!

We went to the hospital I had planned to deliver at, but they would only keep me if I was over 35 weeks and needed to deliver. They did however do a test to see if the fluid indeed had been amniotic fluid. That came back positive. But I was also checked for dilation and my cervix was closed, so that was good news. They put me on an IV and gave me antibiotics and a shot of steroids to help Calvin's lungs mature.

Now Justin's mother was with me and we still could not get ahold of Justin. I had texted him a couple updates so he'd have an idea what was up once he got to his phone. She had called him 9 times. I was actually supposed to attend a church event with my other mother in law, Justin's step mom, that morning and I had to message her to cancel. So Justin awoke to a missed call from me, 9 from his mother, and one from his dad. Apparently his phone was on silent lol.

So finally, after a couple hours, my husband walked through the hospital room door. He looked so handsome, not gonna lie lol. But the look on his face was just like "holy crap, what's happening?" I did get tears in my eyes as soon as I saw him. I was just so worried for our baby boy.

So due to the fact that I was only 32 weeks, I had to be transferred to another hospital, and I chose one where my regular doctor did not deliver. I would get a new doctor. Once meeting with him and having an ultrasound, I think Justin and I are pretty happy with the way things are sounding at this point. It looks like Calvin's doing well, moving properly, good heart rate, practicing his breathing. His fluids are good and I'm not in labor. If all continues to go well my doctor wants to keep me pregnant for as long as possible, it sounds like 2-3 weeks right now. That puts us in the 34-35 weeks range. Although he'll still need to be in the hospital once he comes, our doctor really made me feel optimistic about the whole situation, much better than my "no, no, no" moment this morning.

In the meantime, I'm on bedrest in the hospital until Calvin comes. So you're not going to see videos from me for awhile now and I do apologize for that. But if you follow the blog here, you'll know what's up. I am praying for our little boy and I hope he's in your thoughts and prayers too. Thank you all so much for your love and support.

Love,
Alaina and Calvin