|Morning of day 2 back to work. Sorry it's so blurry!|
But the mornings were great. I got Calvin ready first and Eren nursed well and was very pleasant while I packed everything up to leave. Justin even got to say good-bye to Cal both mornings because we were up so early to get ready. (Usually Justin leaves before Calvin is up) Last night, Eren even slept six hours straight, which was really nice because Sunday night Calvin was up at midnight with a bad dream and Eren woke up soon after we got Cal back down. Oh, the joys of motherhood. It's all about mastering how to function on so little sleep.
I got to run by the store Monday after work and that was nice. Run in, run out, easy peasy.
One thing I do not miss is pumping at work. Three times per day, eating my lunch hunched over the pumping parts attached to my chest. That tingly feeling when you know you need to go pump but you're busy finishing other work. Worrying about how much you're producing and if the grandmas are overfeeding little mister. Motherhood is full of worry, no matter if you're with the kids all day or not.
I imagined this transition back to work like I was abandoning my babies for two years. Like I wouldn't see them again and they would be so big by then. (We plan for me to be a stay at home mom in a couple years) To imagine that my little Eren will be Calvin's age by the time I get to spend each and every day with them again breaks my little heart! I know the time will fly. It already has been going so fast. I can't believe Calvin will be TWO this Memorial Day weekend!
I didn't have a breakdown. I didn't cry. But I definitely was not overjoyed to leave them. I know they're in good hands, of course. I know the grandmas want to spend time with them and love on them too. And on the inside, even though I didn't want to admit it, I needed a break.
I am so fortunate to have Wednesdays off from my job. Only working four days a week is awesome and I would absolutely recommend to anyone facing working mom guilt to try and cut back at work if at all possible. I very truly believe it has helped me stay sane and not feel too strained and stretched thin. (I've had Wednesdays off since I returned to work after Calvin was born, except for last summer when I worked five days, which sucked super bad and almost threw me over the edge. You can read my mom guilt post that I wrote at the end of that summer here). The day off gives me the opportunity to keep up on the house a little, do diaper laundry (and all the other stupid laundry), and get to spend time with my littles. I get to spend a full day each week pretending I'm a stay at home mommy. That's truly how I view those days off. I just can't wait to be home with them all the time.
So although this is just week one of about 90 until I get to be with my babies all the time, I know we all need it on some level. They need to spend time with the grandmas to get to know and love them. The grandmas need it because grandmas just love grandbabies. And I need to feel like I'm contributing to the household in a financial sense and I guess you could say I do need a break from the munchkins sometimes too, even if I don't like to say that.
I hope things continue going smoothly and I hope this stupid working mom guilt starts to subside. Here's hoping it's just a first week back thing and it doesn't last too long.
Thanks for reading.