We said maybe when #3 was born.
Then we said when we got the house paid off.
And yet we've come to a point not based on either of those things.
We've come across an opportunity for me to stay home while still making a little income. I'll be babysitting for my best friend whose daughter was born in September.
Some days I am ecstatic and cannot wait! I can't wait to take the boys to story time at the library, nature walks, playground and park visits, puzzles and workbooks, plus so many more activities! I can't wait to spend everyday with my littles.
But then I think about the bad days. When Eren needs to nurse at the same time Calvin's having a breakdown about something that seems very insignificant to me. And I think to myself, how on earth am I going to do this 24/7?! And then throw another baby in the mix?! What have I gotten myself into?!
So I thought I'd jot down some pros and cons that come to mind while thinking about this transition. Just to clear my mind and lay some things out in the open here.
- I will be surrounded by the tiny humans all day, every day! - I've never done this before. I'm an introvert. Will I need more alone time? Will I crave adult conversation and interaction? Will the couple hours each night I get to spend with my husband fulfill that need?
- Gas money savings - My commute to work is super short: 10 miles one way. So I don't spend a ton on gas anyway. But will we even save money on gas? If I take the kids to the park a couple days, the doctor another day, grocery shopping another day, I'll be spending the same in gas even if I'm not going to work.
- Grocery trips - I will no longer be able to stop by the store on the way home from work and grab things without worrying about toting around two little ones. Will I go on the weekends and abandon my husband with the kids. Will grocery time become my "mommy time?" Or will I haul these little people around with me to get the shopping done during the week?
- My husband will save time. He helps me get the kids ready in the mornings during the week. Without having to wake them up, he'll get to sleep in an extra half hour each morning and not have to worry about the tiny humans while he's getting ready for work. That will be nice for him.
- Will I have more or less time for YouTube and the blog? Since I'll be spending all week with the kiddos, will it be easier for me to take an hour or two on the weekends to work while my husband hangs out with them? Will I find it impossible to get a spare moment to film or edit during the week? Will I have more or less motivation?
- Household chores - Hopefully, if I can get my shit together, I'll be able to do the stupid things like laundry and cleaning before my husband gets home, so he'll be able to spend his "off" time actually off and with the family. But will I resent him for never having to do those chores? Will I be able to accept my new job as designated housewife? Or will it be super hard to find time to even do those chores and we'll still be stuck doing laundry all weekend?
And the bigger worries...
What if I'm not any good at it?! What if they drive me crazy? What if I lose my crap every single day? What if I take my frustrations out on my husband or can't get any housework done or my plan for a fun-time weekly schedule totally goes up in flames? What if I'm simply not cut out for this?
Well, all I can say is, you never know until you try, right? :)