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Friday, October 9, 2020

4 Weeks Pregnant Update + Thoughts

Week ending Aug 24, 2020
Due Date: May 4

I took my first pregnancy test this cycle on Aug 18 at only (what I thought was) 7 DPO and was equally surprised and not surprised when they were positive (I took two cheap strip tests first, then went back later in the day and took a standard test).


Made my first appointment and it isn't until the day before 9 weeks! How am I supposed to wait so long to check on my baby! We think we want to wait until the ultrasound before we announce to anyone, but I don't know how I'm going to make it that long! 

Bloated. I already feel like I look pregnant and I don't know how I'm going to keep this a secret if I show early. 

Maternity Clothes:
Not gonna lie, I was already browsing before I got pregnant. This is going to be my first time as a stay at home mom while pregnant, so I won't be wearing all the maternity jeans I used to, I'm going to want leggings and sweatpants. I do honestly think I have enough clothes even with the wardrobe change, but I'm honestly more concerned about nursing attire once baby comes. I want some nursing tank tops that I actually like, I feel like most of everything I used with the boys functioned fine, but just weren't exactly what I wanted. So I've already been on the lookout for good nursing tops. 

So far, no big break down or freak out. Which is strange, I'm pretty sure I had big moments right before I took tests with Cal and Eren.

I'm vegan. Before I found out I was pregnant, I had been craving meat substitutes a bit and that has continued. Like I just had beefless tips, gravy, baked potato and carrots last night and it was amazing! 

Sleep & Dreams:
Ok, let's talk about weird stuff haha. Before I knew I was pregnant, I dreamt we had twins, a boy and a girl, and the boy had dark hair and was just precious. I want a dark haired baby so bad. But that's not the weird part. The weird part is anytime I ask Calvin what kind of baby we're having, he says two sisters. 🤷‍♀️ Twins?
Also just been remembering my dreams better overall, just having strange dreams, and usually many each night. 

Definitely already taking naps. 

Physical Symptoms:
Lightheaded at first, then sore boobs and abs, light cramping. 
First round ligament pain already.
A couple headaches. Tylenol didn't help, but Excedrin isn't okay for pregnancy, so pretty much just gotta deal with it. 

Favorite Moments of the Week:
When I took the first pregnancy test, it was just a little cheap strip test, and I was watching it turn for a minute. It left a very white line in the spot where the second line that tells you you're pregnant should be, and I thought that's weird, I've never seen it do that before. So I dipped another test just in case something went wrong with the first. Then I covered them both up and went to sit on my bed. I didn't think I wanted to do a live pregnancy test video, but during those few minutes waiting, I figured, why not, let's give it a go. :)

Baby Purchases:
None. But I did already order myself a couple nursing sleep bras.

More About Baby:
Before we started trying, my husband and I already had a boy and girl name picked out, so no worries on that end. Also, we have been saying for a long time that we want to wait until delivery to learn the sex this time. But my first two pregnancies were high risk, so I'll probably be getting pretty frequent ultrasounds this time around too, and I'm just not so sure I'll be able to keep from looking every time. :)

What I Miss:
I wish we could just tell everyone. I wish miscarriage risk wasn't so high and stupid this early. 

Random Thoughts:
I keep feeling like I'm not really pregnant, like it hasn't sunk in yet. We haven't told anyone else and we really want to keep it a secret longer this time (I know we always say that, and then tell at like 5 weeks haha). I just don't feel like I'm pregnant.. I don't spend all day just thinking about the baby in my belly.

Alaina & Baby #3

Two Week Wait Symptoms

I've been tracking my cycle's symptoms for a few months now, so that once it's time to start trying to get pregnant, I would have a better idea of what would be a normal monthly cycle symptom vs what might actually be new and different and a possible pregnancy symptom. 

I'm always surprised how well you can get to know your body when you sit down to track the weird little symptoms you have during your cycle. It's pretty cool. 

CD 10 - Right side pain similar to ovulation. 
CD 11
CD 12 - I was absolutely convinced I was ovulating this day (even though it was 3 days earlier than usual). I wasn't taking opk's or temping so I can't know for sure. I had a terrible lower back ache, it felt exactly like I was going to start my period. Around ovulation, I usually do have some cramping on one side, but I've never experienced real full-on cramps or a lower backache like this. It was so weird. I put the boys to bed early so I could lay down with a heating pad in bed. I was also sooo thirsty in the middle of the night. 
CD 13
CD 14
CD 15 - The day I was supposed to ovulate according to the last few months' very regular cycles. I did have some aching on my right side like ovulation. (My last 4 cycles had been spot on 28 days, and the cycles before that still averaged 28 days overall, so according to the calendar, this should have been ovulation day)
CD 16 - On this day, I had a headache nearly as soon as I woke up. The rest of the day my head just felt heavy, like I had a headache, but I didn't have the pain. (I know that sounds weird, I just can't think of another way to explain it). And I remembered I did have one wave of lightheadedness the day before too. But I said to myself, you're crazy, there's no way, it is too early for this, there can't even be implantation yet unless you ovulated early. And I remembered I used to get light headed around ovulation when I was trying to get pregnant with Eren, but I had never had that before those 3 cycles I tried with Eren, and I haven't been experiencing that since I've gotten my period back after Eren either. So it was all around just weird for this lightheadedness symptom (whether just a regular cycle symptom, or a pregnancy symptom) to appear all of a sudden this particular month. 
CD 17 - gassy, bloated
CD 18 - high anxiety, left side backache in am
CD 19 - one super strange wave of nausea afternoon
CD 20 - I was laying on the couch with the overhead fan on, I was wearing a tank top with no bra, and my nipples kept feeling super sensitive to the cold air of the fan, even through my shirt. Very strange. 
CD 21 - crampy in am. Took a shower in evening and that's when I became convinced I was pregnant. The water from the showerhead on my nipples was too much. Boobs were slightly achy on the undersides, like they missed the support of the day's bra. Remembered the previous day I thought perhaps my boobs were a little fuller. I had told myself when we started trying that I wasn't going to test until I started having breast changes. That's one thing that I don't typically experience in my normal cycles, so I thought it would be a pretty good indicator. Also been having tiny waves of super faint lightheadedness all week. 
CD 22 - tested. Talked to my husband about the boobs the night before and he said, just test tomorrow. So I did and it was positive! The faintest possible positive you ever saw. I took two cheap strip tests, but then I took a regular test later in the day too and it was also a faint, but definitely there positive. Sore lower abs and boobs. 
CD 23 sore lower abs (feels like I did a workout), sore boobs, low back ache, light cramps
CD 24 tested again and got a pretty regular strength positive, so that made me happy to see the line darkening. Emotional day (but still so utter breakdown like I had around this time with both boys) 
CD 25 - been waking up a little early all week and unable to fall back asleep, realized the lightheadedness hasn't been around for a couple of days. Low sex drive all week which is pretty unusual for myself lately. Took a nap in the afternoon. 
CD 26 - [the day I originally told myself I would wait to test until] left side round ligament pain after standing up, less sore boobs, nausea, bloated all week, acid reflux a couple of times this week. 

It seems like the symptoms are coming on really early this time around.
I hope you found this helpful.

Thanks for reading.
Alaina and Baby #3

Trying for Baby #3

We've decided it's time to start trying for baby #3.
As I write this, it's our first month trying.
We decided to start trying a little earlier than we previously planned after sitting down to make a pros and cons list and we realized let's just do it. 

Originally we weren't going to start trying until after Thanksgiving (Nov), but it's August and we're definitely working on making a baby now. :) 

I can't wait to be making pregnancy updates here on the blog and on my YouTube channel again! Growing a tiny person is just so exciting, but sooo nerve wracking. With the stupid complications of my first two pregnancies (pPROM, polyhydramnios), I am definitely worried about things not going great once again. It's just incredibly frustrating having complications that they don't give you a cause for and no advice for how to prevent it happening again.

I wasn't nervous about trying for my first two. With Calvin, my first, we had no idea there would be complications down the line. And after he was born, the doc said I had a 1 in 4 chance of having pPROM again. To me, that meant next time around would probably be fine, so I wasn't worried about Eren (our second) until the third trimester when the polyhydramnios really started to kick it up a notch. So now that we've had two pregnancies with polyhydramnios (the first one of which resulted in pPROM and a 5 week stay in the hospital worrying about premature labor every single day), I can only assume the same stupid thing (poly) is going to happen in our next pregnancy too. And I can only hope magically it doesn't. *shrug*

Since I know what might be in store for me this time around, I do worry more. 

Now I know I was so incredibly lucky for both of my boys to be born perfectly healthy and after 37 weeks. But the possibility of not being so lucky next time really just stresses me out. We had the best possible outcome for pPROM at 32 weeks with Cal. And with Eren, nothing bad happened. Yes, my belly was enormous. Yes, I wasn't allowed to walk further than it took to get from the parking lot at work into the office. Yes, I had to take medications and shots to helps prevent my contractions and preterm labor. Yes, every day of the last trimester, I wondered if something bad would happen. But in the end, I was induced after 37 weeks. He didn't try to come early and everything turned out okay. But it was still nerve wracking! 

One thing that I'm trying to keep in mind is that the pregnancies were both going pretty much totally fine until the third trimester. I'm trying to remind myself of this and know that the majority of the pregnancy is going to be okay. I can worry about the complications once we encounter them in the last trimester. I have to tell myself that the medications they had me on with Eren (because of my complications with Calvin) did what they were supposed to do, so they can do it again this time. 

Then I have this irrational fear of miscarriage. The thought process that goes through my head is something along the lines of, if miscarriages are so common, and I've already had two pregnancies without miscarriages, then statistically, am I not due for a miscarriage this time? I don't know how that all works, but I'm just being honest, that's another fear of mine. 

I thought I'd just get out those little thoughts running through my head lately. I know it's not healthy to stress over these things, but coming on here to vent helps me get it all out and hopefully set it aside for awhile. 

Thanks for reading and joining me for this next journey.