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Thursday, May 3, 2018

MIA Mom of 2

Well, I sure have been MIA, haven't I?

Life with a newborn and a toddler is crazy, let me tell you. Anytime you want to do anything at all, it takes a lot of planning ahead and extra time factored in for poopy butts and toddler meltdowns.

I am so in love with my little family. Seeing how Calvin loves on his baby brother is seriously the most adorable thing I've ever seen. It melts my little heart to see him giving kisses or randomly asking to hold him.

But it's hard work. I don't even know when the last time I wore makeup was. And whenever it was, I can almost guarantee it was not applied first thing in the morning, it was probably closer to nap time, after noon.

I head back to work here shortly and it's very bittersweet. I don't want to leave my babies. I have grown accustomed to spending every single day with them. We have a routine, even if it's not exactly what organized people would call a "routine." It's very hectic. And I want to continue that. I don't want to miss out on anything. These last seven weeks have absolutely flown by. Way faster than they did with my first son. Eren is growing every day. Calvin is too. He is just so grown up. Looking at him compared to his tiny little brother, it's absolutely stunning to remember him being that tiny just two short years ago. Two years! Time really does fly.

So although I don't want to leave my babies and I desire so much in my heart to never return to work and stay with them forever, I know I should get back out there. I look forward to being able to stop by the grocery store on the way home from work and shop all by myself instead of packing up the boys and towing them around with me while I pick up a handful of things. I look forward to dropping them off at the grandma's in the morning and not having to worry about them for 9 hours. On the mornings when everyone is crying and nothing is going right, I will breathe a sigh of relief to drop them off and get in my car to head to work alone.

I am jealous of stay at home moms who get to spend every day with their babies. But at the same time, I understand just how demanding it is. And so here we go, back to work, back to working mom life, but with two littles to constantly think about. Back to pumping at work (which I am so not looking forward to), back to sleepless nights that end with an alarm clock sounding, back to a different kind of exhaustion. I hope I can make it. :/


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