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Monday, October 22, 2018

A Touched Out Momma

Being an introverted mom is hard. But I definitely don't think this is a problem just for introverts. All moms must experience some level of it. Feeling 'touched out' is very strange. Today I felt it because I cared for the children alone the previous day while my husband was just right outside our window, building a shed in the backyard. Then I was dog sitting today. Dog sitting in itself is a pretty easy task, but as someone with two tiny people to care for and personally really very much being a cat person, it was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. That dog apparently likes me. He followed me all day. Sat at my feet while I edited videos, stared at me while I ate, and stood right underneath me as I cooked for my family. 

I immediately took a shower after dinner instead of waiting for the boys to go down, just so I could have a moment to myself. Maybe I even cried in the shower. 

When I returned from my shower, my toddler was making growling sounds as he played before bed. And no matter how many times I asked or told him to stop growling, he didn't and I couldn't handle it anymore so I ran upstairs with the baby to finish his bedtime nursing session. Those little noises were driving me nuts. Then, no joke, my cat was sitting on my desk chair next to the bed, licking herself. I had to stop nursing the baby, get up, and throw her out of the room because the sound of her tongue was making me lose my mind. And I'm actually typing this post right now from my phone while Eren's falling asleep on the boob. I am so ready for bedtime. 

I feel so extremely touched out today. And honestly, I don't think I get that feeling all too often, I can think of maybe two other times I've noticed it in these 2.5 years of motherhood. But today it came on strong. It's different from the usual end of the day exhausted feeling of everyday motherhood. It's exactly what it sounds like, feeling touched out. I just want my space, I want everyone out of my personal bubble, I don't want anyone clingy to me anymore.

And, just like so many other parts of motherhood, it's a strange feeling. I feel so bad afterward for avoiding my children's affection. I know they just want to be loved and held and I know all too well this isn't going to last much longer. Calvin already hardly ever sits by me and cuddles anymore as it is. I need to be basking in this cuddly love, but today just wasn't one of those days. I guess we'll try again tomorrow.


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