Look Who's Here! Calvin Lee's Debut

I just thought I would pop on by the blog and let you know that this baby boy is here safe and sound. I love you guys so much and am truly so happy and thankful to have you along this journey with me. Pregnancy was an adventure, but now an even bigger one is beginning: motherhood. I hope you'll continue to follow us on our journey.

I could include a hundred pictures of this little boy already, but we'll just keep it to a couple screenshots today... but... if you want to see more, go follow me on Instagram, I promise there are plenty of pics over there. :)

Love,
Alaina and Calvin Lee

Pregnant in the Hospital Diary Entries : PROM, Bed Rest

Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Alright Calvin, we just need you to hang out for awhile longer. We came to the hospital at 32 weeks, 1 day. You're not ready yet, even though I'd love to see you, we all know that's not a good idea right now. Everyone's really worried about you but you're in really good hands here at this hospital. Our doctor is very optimistic about you being good and plenty healthy when you finally come. You had me and daddy super worried but every day things are looking up. I might be in the hospital for awhile, but I keep reminding myself it's better me than you. I want you to come home with us right on time. Me and your daddy love you so so much but you gotta stay put for awhile longer!

Wednesday April 27, 2016
The doctor came in this morning and pretty much just reiterated the fact that we're simply waiting to see what's next. Things are still going well, but it can be frustrating not knowing when you're coming. I wish your daddy could be with us all the time. We all love you so much. Grandma told me your cousin Lyvi was going to tell her friend at school about you but she couldn't remember your name, so she didn't tell them. I know she's excited to meet you, we all are. Lyv and Leighton's grandma is a nurse here and she's going to take good care of you if you come early and need extra help and care. She told me that I look more like grandpa John since I'm chubbier while pregnant. I wonder who you look like Calvin.
It's so weird to imagine you with a May birthday, I always assumed you'd be here in June. And I thought you'd be late, at that! Now that's assuming we can hold out a few more days and make it until May. I'm afraid of giving birth to you. I don't know what to expect. I'm fearful your daddy won't be there for the whole thing. I don't want to be alone through any of it. I'm afraid they'll have to scoop you up and take you away as soon as you're born. It's crazy to think we're so close to meeting you. After months of you just living in my belly, you're finally going to be here and this whole pregnancy journey will be over, only to start a new, even more exciting journey as your mommy.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016
My sweet baby boy, it is getting very hard for me to be living here at the hospital. I know it is for your best interest: for your health and well-being, not to mention your future. But it is so lonely. I am so glad I still have you safe in my belly though. You are safe and growing so big and strong in there. They already estimate that you weigh 6 lbs 8 oz. While you are in there I can feel you move and I know you are good. If you were to have been born already, I would not always be with you like I am now. I'd have to leave you at the hospital without me and your daddy.
Today I am 34 weeks 4 days pregnant and our doctor has faith we are going to reach full term, 37 weeks. I've been in the hospital 17 days now, and if you come at exactly 37 weeks, that will be 17 days from now. So we are halfway there! I can't wait to meet you but I can hold out another 2.5 weeks if it means you'll be able to come home with us right away Calvin.
We have the best doctor around. He wants to keep you safe and sound in my belly as long as possible. If we were in the hands of any other doctor, you'd have been born already. I thank the Lord every day that that's not the case. We love you so much Calvin and we only want what is best for you.

Thursday, May 19,2016

This hospital stay sucks. I just want to rant right now, but let me get some things off my chest first of all. Yes, I am so blessed to have made it this far in my pregnancy, we'll be 36 weeks tomorrow, and our doctor is awesome, I'm so glad we have him. I know that there are so many women out there going through much more difficult pregnancies and issues. There are plenty of mothers who have given birth before 36 weeks and have to visit their babies in the NICU not knowing what happens next. I know I am blessed and this could be so much worse, I know that in my heart, but this whole situation still sucks and I'm jealous of all the women who have very good, uncomplicated, easy pregnancies. I'm jealous of the mothers who get to spend their last few weeks living their normal everyday life. I'm upset that we didn't get to take maternity pictures. I'm upset that I missed physically being at my one and only baby shower that looked just so precious in the pictures! I'm upset that I can't just wake up next to my husband every morning. I'm upset that Justin and I don't get to go on one last date just the two of us, that I can't just live a normal life and be in my own home. I want to make dinner for us. I want to be able to nest and set things up and I know Justin has been working hard, doing laundry and washing bottles and getting everything ready for Calvin, but I don't get to have that experience and it makes me feel so disconnected. I know that I see Calvin twice a week on ultrasound, I hear his little heartbeat twice per day on the NST monitors, I feel him wiggle all the time, and I am here because of him, I think about him all the time. But I just think that perhaps if I were at home nesting and organizing and getting things ready for him that I would feel more connected and ready for him to come. I want to meet him but I still am afraid of the unknowns of giving birth. 

But once again, I know we are blessed. Honestly, this stay seems to have been going by somewhat quickly, I can't believe it's already almost been a month! But the days suck. I feel like I'm simply growing a baby right now, I'm not living or contributing to life or anything. I feel very useless. 

And I can't wait to see Calvin. He is my ticket out of here! I just know in my heart that he's going to be going home with us, I have full faith that he will not be stuck here without us.

Saturday, May 21, 2016
I have to be honest that at times I have felt inadequate as a mommy to be. I've felt like I'm not made to be a mommy and not meant to carry babies because of this whole issue. It's hard to put into words. I just feel like perhaps we shouldn't try for more kids because of the possibility of going through this all over again. Not just for the fact that it sucks to be in the hospital like this, but that things might not go as well next time around. What if next time they couldn't stop my labor and the baby would be born at 32 weeks, what kind of issues would there be? How long would they have to stay in the NICU? Would there be long term problems and issues with their health? What if they did stop my labor, but then I got an infection and had to have the baby early anyway? There are so many things that could go wrong. So many things that could have gone wrong with me and Calvin this time!
I feel so conflicted, like my thoughts are constantly pulling me in two different directions. I feel so upset that this has happened, trying to pin point what I've done wrong in this pregnancy. But at the same time there is a part of me that is so happy and proud that we've made it this far, that my decision to come to this hospital and get a new doctor, not just settle for my old doctor, has saved our little Calvin from coming prematurely. Because of the hospital I chose and the doctor that I was blessed with, we are able to have our precious little boy at full term! After four weeks now/five weeks when he comes on Friday, we made it! And that fills my heart with so much happiness. No matter what, if we can hold out these next six days (and I know we will :)), our baby boy will be a full term baby, something I never ever would have thought could happen on that first day at 32+1 weeks when I woke up to this whole mess.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016
I still can't believe you're going to be here in a just a few days, baby boy! I talked to a pediatrician here at the hospital yesterday and got some unsettling news. He told me that because my membranes have been ruptured for so long, they're going to take you to the NICU and have you on IV antibiotics for 48 hours after you're born as a precaution! This has made me upset wondering whether or not we'll even be able to just have some time together in your first hours of life. I will have to pump to feed you breast milk, but we should be able to hold you and visit you and spend a lot of time with you. I don't even know if we'll be able to breastfeed in your first hour. We'll be going home in two days anyway, so our two stays should coincide and you'll be able to come home with us. It still makes me sad to know that there's a possibility you'll be whisked away as soon as you're born. The pediatrician really made it seem like there would be a 50/50 chance we could spend time with you first or not. And he did mention there was a very slight chance none of this would have to happen anyway, they would examine him in our room, he'd be totally fine, and they would just leave us like any other family. He just kept saying this was a very slight chance though.
My doctor did not think this was all necessary, but apparently the pediatrician staff is new and they have different procedures than the previous staff who were here when I first arrived in the hospital. You are a good size baby, you'll be right at the normal newborn weight when you're born at 37 weeks. We had the steroid shots for your lungs. And because you're already full term, you realistically shouldn't have issues feeding. I just don't understand why when it looks like everything is going in your favor, they want to take you away from us. I know it's just a precaution and it's for your best interest, but it just makes me very upset, I thought by making it to term we wouldn't have to deal with any of this. Good thing I have no real birth plan, it looks like none of it would happen at this point anyway.
Your dad and I have been back and forth on how many people we want to be there the day you're born. I hate the idea of all these people waiting around for you to come. I feel that it will make me stressed and anxious about getting you out quickly. Plus I just want your dad and me to have plenty of time alone with you, especially if you're going to have to spend the next two days in the NICU, not in our room with us. We just want you all to ourselves before you're taken from us. And I know that's selfish, but I've carried you nine months and I deserve to be with you for as long as I want just as soon as you're born! And I know everyone is very excited to meet you, baby boy.  

37 Weeks Pregnant : Third Trimester Pregnancy Update, Symptoms, etc.

Week 37 - May 20-26

Our baby boy Calvin Lee was due June 17, 2016! He was born May 27, 2016 at 1:26 pm.

Welcome to my final pregnancy update for this, my first pregnancy, our first little one, our son, Calvin Lee. I'm being induced to have him on Friday May 27, 2016, at exactly 37 weeks. We made it to full term! Besides the fact that I was diagnosed with PROM (premature rupture of membranes, or my water started leaking) at 32 weeks and 1 day, besides the fact that the standard of medicine recommended I be induced at 34 weeks, we made it to full term and we are so blessed.

It might be awhile before I have another post up for you, but it's more likely you'll see pics on my Instagram before anything else. I want to thank you for your support and love during this entire journey. Now let's talk about my final week pregnant!

Bump:
Still no linea nigra, but there are plenty of stretchmarks. Belly button still didn't pop out either, still an innie. This bump is so big, I couldn't imagine it if it made it three more weeks! I almost feel lucky to be on bed rest. Just from wandering around my tiny hospital room, I can tell if I were out in the real world my body would truly be aching by now.

Maternity Clothes:
Not gonna lie, I might miss them when this is all over with. There's just so much cute stuff! But, I really want to invest in some nursing stuff, I really have no in between clothes, so I don't know how this is going to go lol. I have regular skinny me clothes and gigantic maternity clothes, but what to do in the middle...
So I ordered some stuff from Old Navy because they were having 50% off shorts, plus a bunch of nursing tank tops were also on sale. So I gathered a few nursing tops in mediums and larges just to be safe. I also got a few pairs of shorts since I gotta make it through this summer and I have a realistic outlook on my weight loss journey, so I think having some larger shorts is going to be helpful lol. I wore size 4 in bottoms for many years, but right before I got pregnant I was up to size 6 and I had been ordering size 8 in maternity stuff, so I ordered both 8s and 6s in shorts. I only have a couple nursing bras, but I think I'm gonna wait a bit to order those, just to see what these boobies settle down to, and once I lose a little weight and see how that all goes. I have enough bras to survive, plus I don't anticipate leaving the house for awhile so I don't really need anything special, I can survive on thin sports bras if I need to for a bit.

Emotions:
Everything's going well. I can't wait to see what the postpartum period is like though, I just have a feeling I might turn into a psycho. :-P

Food:
Don't worry, this is the last time I'll say it: I hate hospital food. I cannot wait to get home and eat a home-cooked meal! I don't have any idea how hectic having a newborn is going to be, or if I'll ever have time to do it, but at least for this first week while Justin is also home, one of us better make something homemade, even if it's just spaghetti!

Sleep & Dreams:

There can be sleepless nights where I don't fall asleep until after midnight, then have to wake up right at 6:30 am when the sun rises outside my hospital room and stabs me in the eyes and lights everything up. But there are other nights where I sleep awesome. I absolutely have to say just how blessed I am to have slept so well throughout this pregnancy. These sleepless nights are not pregnancy related, just stupid hospital room related. I gotta say the Snoogle was a terrific investment and I'd recommend it to all pregnant women. 

As you know, I haven't really been having dreams to do with Calvin or really anything lately that I can remember. Well this week has been different. 

I had a dream I was with my dad and Calvin started moving like crazy so I called dad over to feel it and he was so excited to get to feel him move. 

I also dreamt that Justin and I were sitting on the front porch of a log cabin in the woods, rocking Calvin. 

And Justin did tell me he had a dream he dropped Calvin in a pond!

Physical Symptoms:
Back ache, even though I am on bed rest and can't really do much. I couldn't imagine how much it would ache if I were still doing things in the real world.
Why acne why?! I really really hope this skin goes back to normal soon!
Super tight tummy like all the time.
Lots of pelvic pressure and full feeling down there.

If you've been following me for awhile, you know that I typically suffer from an excessive amount of headaches, but during this pregnancy I have been delightfully surprised at the lack of headaches. Well this week that all changed and I had a handful of them, nothing really intense, just strange because they've been pretty nonexistent throughout much of the pregnancy. 

Movement:
Like I've said the last couple weeks, his movements are definitely slower and less jabby. 

Favorite Moments of the Week:
My mom and dad came up to the hospital Saturday and spent like all day with me! We went out to the little garden here at the hospital, had lunch, played Yahtzee, and just talked. It was actually an awesome time to spend so long together.

Baby Purchases:
I ordered an electric breast pump through our insurance, so just waiting on that to come. I got a little hand pump too last week just in case Calvin came early and couldn't feed and I needed to pump for him. And I think it will be nice to have for back-up too, in case something goes wrong with the other pump or if I want to pump on the go or whatevs. Hoping insurance actually does cover the big pump and they're not gonna be a pain in the butt lol. But insurance is always a pain in the butt...
So, we'll just see what next week brings with our first week at home with a newborn. What did we forget?! I know Justin will be running to the store for something lol.

What I Look Forward To:
I went on a ramble last week about all the things I can't wait for to not be pregnant. Right now I'm thinking about eggs over easy and raw cookie dough. Mmmmmm. I bet I will miss my belly, even though I can't wait to sleep on my stomach again! I'll miss his movements and his kicks even though I'll be able to see him moving about in person!

Random Thoughts:
I absolutely cannot believe this is already coming to an end! 

New tactic of the week to help me not freak out about labor and delivery: looking forward to not being pregnant. I think about all the things I'll get to do, the weight loss, moving around easily, etc. I try to let the idea of no longer being pregnant overpower the scariness of the unknowns of actually giving birth. Not gonna lie though, one minute I think I'm ready and I can totally do this, then the next I'm like holy crap this is going to suck! Lol.

Thanks so much for reading!
Love,
Alaina and Little Calvin

36 Weeks Pregnant : Third Trimester Pregnancy Update, Symptoms, etc.

Week 36 - May 13-19

Our baby boy Calvin Lee is due June 17, 2016!

Robe sent to me by PinkBlushMaternity

Everything is still going awesome and we finally have an induction date! Thursday night May 26, so Calvin should hopefully be here on Friday, May 27, at exactly 37 weeks. So exciting! 

My fluid levels are still awesome, very consistent, even though I'm still leaking fluid. Things really are looking great.

Bump:
Growing so big with every week. Latest ultrasound from last week had Calvin estimated at 6 lbs 8 oz. All the ultrasound techs just say how my belly is all baby. Everywhere you touch is like directly touching Calvin lol. 

Maternity Clothes:
I know if I were out in the real world right now, my clothing supply that still fits would be dwindling. One up side to hospital life is that I can wear yoga pants, pajama pants, and other very comfy stuff all the time and don't even have to worry about looking good or civilized, just comfy lol.

I know I only have one week left but I just wonder how long it's going to take to get back to fitting comfortably in things afterwards too. Even still things are getting tight on me, particularly the only two pairs of pajama shorts I thought I could wear til the end. I'm going to need these shorts afterwards and they're already not comfy! So I hope at least some of this thigh/hip weight is water weight and won't take too long to go down so I can live in comfy PJ's for my 8 weeks of maternity leave lol.

Emotions:
I have actually been feeling more snippy lately, like little things are driving me crazy and making me mad. Perhaps it's just the stress and suckiness of being stuck in the hospital all the time. 

I also feel like things are starting to get to Justin. He's been stressed at work and I know this whole hospital situation isn't helping. And I just feel so bad because I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him better. I really have never seen him like this, he just seems very disconnected and somewhat distant. And it's not just with me, I've noticed it when he talks to his dad too, for example. I do think things are just starting to get to him. 

This just isn't how we imagined our last month just the two of us and I really think that's starting to get to us both.

Food:
Appetite is still smaller than my usual pregnancy appetite. Again, who knows if it's just due to the crappy and repetitive hospital food options.
Also, do I have morning sickness again? For a couple days this week I felt so nauseous when I knew I was hungry. I wanted to eat but just didn't feel like eating because I didn't feel well. Eating fixed this, but it was very strange to me because this sounds like what I experienced months ago with morning sickness. Is this a thing? Is it possible to have morning sickness return this late?

Sleep & Dreams:

Weird dreams are back but I'm not super great at recalling them. Nothing apparently pregnancy related though. I gotta tell you about one I can remember though. I dreamt that Bernie Sanders owned a pet store and it was connected to a gun store! Haha.

Physical Symptoms:

Lots of stuff going on this week. 

My breasts have started leaking! Last week my nipples had been sensitive so I kinda knew this was coming. I definitely thought when I first saw my breasts producing milk that it would freak me out, but I was actually so happy when I saw it!

Acne is crazy this week! Two zits on my chest. What the heck? And the hairline scalp acne has been crazy. A couple zits on my face. 

Also my nose has been so stuffy this week. 

Darkened armpits. I've thought they were getting darker for a few weeks now and while watching other pregnancy vlog updates and seeing ladies mention it, I knew I wasn't losing my mind and they're really darker haha. I really hope that goes away afterwards... it always looks like I have stubbly armpit hair haha. 

I can't decide if Calvin's dropped or not. I feel like I am peeing more often, like he's on my bladder more. All my bottoms are annoying below my bump, but I don't know if it's because he's lower or my bump is just bigger. I don't feel like I am breathing any easier, but one thing that really does stand out to me are my sneezes. I can finally sneeze again every time. For a long while there I would feel a sneeze coming but not be able to get the deep breath before the sneeze, therefore probably 2/3 sneezes ended up not happening lol. I know that may sound strange, but it's definitely a change that's happened this week. 

Movement:
Still doing well. I'm very happy Calvin has been a good little baby in his movements, he's never had me worried, throughout the pregnancy. 

Sometimes it feels like Calvin is literally trying to crawl out, there will be so much pressure down there it feels like he's pushing right up on my cervix. It usually tends to be in the evenings and when I'm sitting up. 

Favorite Moments of the Week:
Seeing all his hair on the ultrasound. And, of course, getting an induction date!

Baby Purchases:
No new purchases, but I'm starting to worry if we have all we need. I worry about how much stuff to have Justin bring to the hospital for next week when Calvin comes. I had him bring a manual breast pump just in case Calvin has to be in the NICU and I need to pump to feed him breast milk. Justin's in charge of picking out his coming home outfit. Can't wait to see what he picks. Calvin has so many super hero items, I'm sure this is a big decision for Justin to pick which one to represent lol.

What I Look Forward to:
Seeing Calvin! Showing him off to everyone, and especially seeing Justin's reaction to him (just remembering the look on his face when we saw him at our very first ultrasound when he was just a little blob, I can't even imagine his face when he sees him come into this world), and seeing how my two young nieces react to meeting him. Seeing how much hair he has (I hope he has a ton)!

Getting out of the hospital and going home to sleep in my own bed (in small intervals due to the whole having a newborn thing lol), and seeing my cats. Seeing how the cats react to Calvin. Speaking of cats, I can't wait to be in charge of the litter boxes again! And I can't wait for my skin to go back to normal hopefully! It is so unbelievably oily and the random zits are so so frustrating! 

I'm so tired of wearing pads constantly. It's been four weeks of it! Plus I'm going to have to wear them for however long after Calvin comes too! They are so uncomfortable and I feel like I'm wearing a diaper all day every day and it sucks.  

And I know there will not be time or energy for makeup when I get home but I really can't wait to do my makeup in good lighting again! The hospital room lighting sucks sooo bad! And there are a ton of other things I look forward to not just because of Calvin coming, but just the fact that I'll get to go home and not be stuck in the hospital forever.

Random Thoughts:
Wow, this pregnancy has truly just flown by. I know that most women still have a month left at this point, but I'm here with one week left and I really cannot believe it's already almost time to meet our baby boy! I like to say I'm really not fearful of childbirth at this point, I just can't wait to meet him, but I know there's still that fear in the back of my mind that I can't get rid of. I'm excited to meet Calvin of course, but I'm so excited just to get to go home finally! When labor sucks and I feel overwhelmed like I'm going to die I don't know which I'll use to motivate myself: meeting Calvin or knowing this is my ticket out of the hospital lol.

I used to get so very nervous before any public speaking, like giving presentations in school, that was my biggest fear ever. I just wonder how the anxiety about childbirth will end up comparing to public speaking haha.

Thanks so much for reading!
Love,
Alaina and Little Calvin